The Next 24 hours-ish

Okay today (Sunday) was infinitely times more entertaining than the previous few days. Between traditiation, a mentalist, and meeting new people, the day was a blast.

First of all, I slept in til about 8 or 9 because I was so tired from the day yesterday. Then we grabbed breakfast, which was a nice delicious apple and yogurt and granola for me. A feast, I know. After that was some chill time and unpacking time. I figured that I couldn’t just keep pulling things out of my bags for the next nine months so it was time to really unpack my clothes and put them in their respective places.  After that, we headed to a lecture hall to hear a scary man talk about how hard school would be. And he also gave a shout out to the swimmers who need to be up at 5 and told everyone to respect our sleep so I liked him a little better after that.

Next up was another delicious lunch, and perhaps the last, since the parents left after that and the school no longer had the need to impress. Actually I hear the food is always pretty decent. I had met a BJ girl (once again, that’s Baldwin-Jenkins for those of you who forgot) and got to know her during the meeting and therefore I had gained a new friend! I’m such an amiable guy I guess aw shucks.

 After lunch there was more chill time to finish unpacking and bunk the beds. Now we have so much room for our old heirloom couch from the swim team called Garka’s couch, and a fridge and microwave. The only thing is that our room is just so boring! I don’t get how so many kids have awesome cozy rooms its like they spent months planning it out in advance. We just have a brown rug. But we might buy more to make it so it’s carpeted. Yeah that would be cool. Then we might get posters and other stuff. I’m also excited for my boxes to get here Wednesday so I have my subwoofer, shoes, sweatshirts, and other neat stuff like pens.

Following that chill/unpack session there was another brief meeting with all the freshmen in the auditorium where we got to hear a speech from the brand new President, Beck Taylor, who, in my opinion, looks and talks very much like Dr. Cox from Scrubs. Then the fun began.

The evening began with the “Species Supper” where we all obviously dressed up in our nicest formal wear. For me, this meant black dress pants, a white dress shirt, a belt, and flip-flops. After leaving the auditorium from Beck Taylor’s presentation everyone headed back to change, then the guys headed outside to wait for the girls while the girls waited inside for their cue. We stood outside in two lines, about 10 feet apart from each other, facing away from each other and towards either inside face of the U shape of the dorm. As I waited, staring at my naked toes, the girls silently lined up behind us and stood about two feet away. Upon command the girls moved closer and closer and were finally instructed to place their hand on their date’s shoulder.  Then we turned around after all the built up tension and suspense and finally met our pairs. Actually, some guys were paired with two gals but I settled with one.

As we escorted our dates to the species supper and got our pictures taken along the way, I made some conversation with Amanda and we were seated in a very nicely set table with some people from different dorms. Before the dinner we were told to ask our date two questions. The first was “do you crumple or fold?” and the second was “so what’s the deal with grape nuts?” To the second question, if our date answered “like, idk, they’re neither grapes nor nuts!?!?” then we would have the honor of bursting out of our chair and shouting, “BOOYAH, WE HAVE A WINNER!” Naturally, wanting a challenge, I effortlessly worked the crumple versus fold question into asking if her favorite dance style was crumple or folding, since she was a dancer. Of course, she had no clue what I meant. For the second question, I smoothly transitioned the conversation to breakfast foods and eventually popped the big question. She failed completely to have any knowledge of the cliché answer, though I did decide later to do the victorious shout anyways after a number of guys had already done it. I explained it fully first so nobody would freak out at me or reject me socially.

 After a lovely, quaint evening with my pinky out and my inquisitive chuckle well worn, the lady and I made our way to the magic show performed by Christopher Carter.  I realized that psychology degrees are useful for many things: being a shrink or teacher, or getting paid to mess with people’s heads. This guy was nuts though. He read cards that each member of the audience had filled out with his bare hands while having silver dollars and a blindfold heavily duck taped over his face. Apparently, you can learn to read people’s energies in some graduate schools. He also somehow got two girls who had spend 20 minutes checking out their brand new light bulbs to light them up using their minds. I could tell you more but you just wouldn’t believe me. Guess you had to be there!

I would have been content had the night ended there but it DIDN’T! After escorting Amanda back I changed into a white T, shorts, and borrowed someone’s shoes so I could run around. I bet that really grosses some people out but they were comfy shoes. So then all of us fresh men (space intended) met out in the back of the dorm for traditiation. There are many things I cannot share for the sake of the pact of the brotherhood of BJ but there are many things I also can share. All of us are known initially as “frosh (name)” and then go on to earn more suiting names based on certain characteristics we possess or events that happen to us. I don’t think I’m clumsy enough to gain a name ever, since 90% of the names have to do with people having yard sales all over or clotheslining over horizontal poles. Regardless, we will all have titles by the end of this Tuesday.

We ran, ran, ran through the night spreading our honor and glory to all of the campus with all of our chants. We learned the mott-toe and the cre-toe. (that’s phonetic by the way) We shouted at the shouting wall and echoed miles away. And we learned that BJ is simply the best; the greatest. BJ has the best men and the best women. For no woman treats you like a BJ woman and that fact treats us well. That sounded weird but that’s because none of you are part of the brotherhood and by that fact you should all be very jealous. We are the best men because not only are we incredibly sexy with our booming voices and incredible physique, we also have the voices of angels and hearts as golden and pure as puppies. Because of this, we have learned several songs with which we will woo the BJ women. For though they are the best, they are also very hard to impress. Therefore we will sing with all of our hearts and souls to win theirs. Tonight we will win them over and they will be our wives and be fruitful.

I hope that last paragraph didn’t change anyone’s opinion of me or freak anyone out, because, in all honesty, it should have. I’m just spitting back all that I learned during my night of brotherhood and glory.

Wow there is so much going on I feel bad making you all read all this except that I’m not really making you. I now have a name. It is Wee Wee Man. I cannot tell you why, because only BJ brothers and our wives on the night of our wedding can know the reason for our BJ nickname.

There’s more. But I’ll type it later. Kbye.