Okay so I became Wee Wee Man. I’m okay with the man part, but not so okay with the wee wee part. Whatever you think that means, you’re probably wrong. Shortly after assuming this worthy title, the BJ male crew huddled into a circle filled with our manly stench borne from running all over campus screaming our bloodcurdling warcries. We were then told that it was time for birdie and the perch.
No, it is not perch as in the fish, it is perch as in the strong, muscular thighs of the gentlemen (us) who would kneel down and serve as perching points for one or two of the lovely BJ women. Once again, we were teased by the RAs as we were forced to stare at the ground as the girls slowly walked circles around us. Then we finally turned around and met a few girls by staring deep within their eyes and gazing into their souls. However, the brothers felt that it was not quite right, and made us turn around again as the girls continued to loop around us. The same thing happened another time. So, on the third pairing, we finally were ready to transform our bodies into perches as our birdies (I had two) took rest on our bodies. As we continued to stare into their souls, we sang a tear-jerking ballad that would have immediately arrested the heart of Athena. Then we shouted “LET’S GO STREAKING!!!” and ran away to eat dinner.
After dinner, which was a little BBQ thing with plates too small for my rumbling tummy, there was some volleyball and soccer action, along with one of the most incredible musical performances I have ever witnessed. One of our RA’s, Noah, gave us the gift of three of his own perfected masterpieces by layering with his pedals and making sweet love to his bass guitar. It was the most amazing thing my ears have experienced. It was as if my ear was a mouth eating sound waves of delicious food and candy and sparkling apple juice. Or putting on fresh silk boxers after shaving your legs and putting lotion on them, which I may or may not have done before. Anyways, it was cool.
After this and more chill time, the guys once again geared up in our stinky shirts (oh yeah, by the way, we aren’t allowed to take off our T-shirts until after traditiation, which ends Tuesday). We ran around for a bit then practiced our performance for the Yell-Off, which we had put hours into learning. Once we decided that it was good enough, we hustled over to the gym and did our performance along with all the other dorms’ guys and girls. The alumni watching plus the freshmen made for an extremely raucously loud atmosphere.
We were the third group up, the BJ Boys, and we did the school fight song, our mott-toe, our cre-toe, and a little thing we made up from the movie “300”, then we WENT STREAKING!!! Based on my spot in the lineup, I got to lead the pack out in my short shorts and got the brunt of all the whistles coming from the lovely Whitworth ladies. Also, at the end of the school fight song, I had the honor of doing a really awkward somersault and awkward run offstage, so that was probably what will win the “best dorm” competition for BJ.
The other groups were a mix of good and bad performances, with the BJ alumni being the loudest and most obnoxious all along. When all was said and done, I don’t think there was a winner announced, but I didn’t care because then it was time to woo the ladies.
This was another highlight of my time here so far, but pretty much every event has been a highlight. We ran from dorm to dorm to caress the lovely ladies of the campus with our voices and made them melt in the palms of our hands. Our song selection was Back to One, A Whole New World, I’ll Be, and, for the BJ ladies ONLY, BJ Got Us Fallin’ in Love Again. Although a few of the dorms sang back venomous words of rejection, I was later told that no man wooed better than the BJ men did that night, and that the RAs controlled the song selection and picked and chose which of the dorms would be rejected or accepted.
By the time we had wooed the hearts of nearly all of the ladies on the campus, I had perfected my method for use on my BJ woo-ee. The first song was simply for gazing upon the fair maiden and penetrating into her soul with our eyes. As we articulated the second song it was time to feel the soft skin of her hand, and perhaps brush a stray hair from her gorgeous eyes. And by the third I was kneeling on the ground, pouring my entire essence into my song and finished with a small kiss on her precious hand as I gazed into her eyes. Then we started BJ Got Us Fallin’ in Love Again and everyone broke out into a dance party!
After a two-song dance party (the second was Tik-Tok), the RAs gave us the promise of a continued dance festival at the local Fred Meyer. For those of you who don’t know what Fred Meyer is, it’s because you’re not from the west coast (or other locations that have it, I guess), but apparently it’s a huge chain around here, basically like a Wal-Mart. Every week they have a night just for Whitworth students with heavily discounted prices and there was a dance on this one night. However, I just bought a ton of food and left because I didn’t want the womens flocking to my raucous dance moves. And props go to Rory for giving me and Korey a lift there and back.
So then we put our food away and basically went to bed I think. Some people were loud and obnoxious but I crashed by 2am, so it was a good night.
The next day, today, Tuesday, whatever, is more transitional into the whole school scene. There was a meeting with our advisors/First-Year Seminar teachers, where we talked about basic advisor type things. Then there was another outdoor lunch and in the HUB (Hixon Union Building, also where the caf is), there were a ton of tables for different clubs. I signed up for a prayer group thing, Young Life, Cancer Sucks (or something?), a Frisbee tournament this Saturday and Frisbee club, a service group, and ballroom dancing. I signed up for ballroom dancing because about 100 girls signed up and like 10 guys. I forgot if I mentioned this earlier, but there are about 500 girls and just under 200 guys in my class, so the odds are smiling with white, straight teeth and shiny lip-gloss lips at the guys. But anyways, I just signed up for e-mails to get information on the different things, it’s not like I’m going to participate all the time in all of those activities.
I just went to a pre-med meeting, where about 100 of us got scared about our stressful futures in and out of the schoolroom. And later I have more stuff that I will share with all of you later. Kbye!
you are a champ
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